SQUEEEEEE

by annene

kbsloth

I’m going to break all my rules while composing this; I’m going to be overtly emotional and inversely analytical, I’m going to leave my skepticism at the door, I’m going to talk about cute things, and dammit, I’m going to use personal pronouns A LOT.

First,

let

me tell you about

http://mlkshk.com/slothbook.

Slothbook is a communal image depository (known as a “Shake”) that COD Magazine originated on mlkshk.

As far as this particular social network is concerned, we just happened to get on the sloth train first; a few nanoseconds before the wave of sloth-love fully crashed upon the International shores of internet consciousness.  48 hours later, a word formerly associated with deadleh sin instead conjured daydreams of admirably sedate mammals who slide gracefully into buckets and pole dance to pooh, and it was all sloth up in here, there and everywhere.

I love Slothbook, it’s my sloth nexus, and I love the people it attracts and what they post.  This, for instance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=t5jw3T3Jy70

Compliments are owed to Kristen Bell, not only for her description of her bawl scale, but because she put this whole spectacle on display for all the world to see in spite of what her handlers probably advised.

As  http://mlkshk.com/user/jer commented:

“Okay, I feel incredibly weird saying this but every single time I see Kristen Bell these days, she’s doing or saying something that makes me think she’s awesome. And maybe a little crazy.”

It’s no spoiler at this point because you’ve seen it, as long as you can still stand to open a YouTube clip that’s over 01.00 minute long.  This appearance is all awesome.

Besides her ability to spin a yarn, comedically, I was struck by the fact that Ms. Bell doesn’t actually cry tears, but rather sobs freely…a pure, unarticulated, primordial expression of her joy and/or sadness.  This is so much more refreshing than the carefully cultivated water we see regularly streaming from the eyes of people on television.  It convinced me of the genuine nature of her sloth meltdown, because a faker would have been streaming.  I actually thought about it on and off for a couple of hours, or minutes … ”Is she really crying?”  And then I was all like,  “Fuck you, Skeptical Annene!  Of course she’s really crying, but if she isn’t, this is the one of best pieces of comedy/performance art ever crafted for mainstream television!”

By this time, we all understand the value of the internet when it comes to personalizing non-human animals.  Humans who’ve never been faced with the beauty, brilliance, vulnerability, and complexity of our fellow creatures are being converted every day, via what could be summarily dismissed as the stupidest fluff on the internet.  I repost LOL cats and pugs wearing bee costumes and videos of sloths and pygmy goats not only because I believe in sharing things that make me happy, but because I hope that pro-animal propaganda may eventually make a human think twice before running over a raccoon just because they can.

And on that note, I wish to take this moment to thank my fellow Slothbook member http://mlkshk.com/user/rjx for sharing this video.  Because goddamn, even though I consider myself universally compassionate, this clip provided new insight into a subgroup of my fellow creatures that I haven’t considered worthy of emotional investment for many years; movie starlets.  Thank you Kristen Bell, for your beauty, brilliance, vulnerability and complexity.  I will think twice about accelerating when I see you in my headlights.

Shout out to http://mlkshk.com/user/ansrali, the Queen of Slothbook.

(“SQUEEEEEE” is a sound you make when you see a sloth.)